I seem to be struggling with my multiple personalities on what the right answers are in regards to preparing to be a father. I feel like I should have read E’s book on pregnancy 3 months ago when she got it. I did not read it. I should not say that in so many words because I read sections of it, and thought that I was on my way to being a model “first time father to be”. Other parts, I felt, didn’t concern me but maybe they did even if they primarily about her. After not reading HER book much, E got me a book titled, “The Exptectant Father“, by Armin Brott. The chapters are basically equivalent to months so I’m currently on Chapter / Month 5… I’m caught up…I think.
Sometimes I find myself following these “parents to be” books too much. Other times I find myself upset that I did not follow them enough. Basically, I feel like I lose either way. I don’t have a baby nursery painted and decorated yet. I did not buy my son any clothes or gifts yet (even though he’ s not here until the end of January 2013) and I sometimes feel as if I should have already. Should the guest room be emptied of all of it’s belongings already before the holidays and painted only to remain vacant for the next 4 months? WHO KNOWS! I want it all to be right for E and our soon to be son but I can’t find the “magic timeline”, LOL.
I feel as if I cannot win either way and that there is no RIGHT answer. Where is the template for how to be a dad? Someone please send me the web address. Maybe it’s DADASTROPHIC.COM and I’m doomed, LOL! All in all, it’s probably just the insecurities I have in regards to being a good dad and doing the right thing. Maybe I will be a great dad and I am doing the right thing! Maybe this journey is the beginning of a map that I am lying out along the way instead of studying one created by someone else! Lord knows, I’ve followed GPS before and have still gone the wrong way. I guess in a nutshell, “So Far So Good” with this learning to be dad thing! I just need to be patient. We have our whole lives ahead of us.